Monday, December 31, 2007

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2007

Usually, I tend to stay away from bad movies. Especially in theaters. Who wants to spend $10 wasting two hours of their life watching something about as enriching as what you mop off the kitchen floor? But every once in a while, I get duped. These are the worst films I've seen this year:

Because I Said So This movie was just ANNOYING. The characters are shallow and self-centered, making it difficult to root for them. Diane Keaton plays an overprotective, overbearing, overly-annoying mom who annoys Mandy Moore, who has annoyingly-low self-esteem. The acting is annoying, the story is annoying, and even the soundtrack is a bit annoying. Did I mention that this film is annoying? Because it is.

300 This could be a controversial one, but I did not like 300. It's been hailed as the ultimate guy movie, with lots of uber-buff Greek dudes with swords and spears, hacking thousands of invading dudes to bits. While I can appreciate a good fight scene and violence on film, a movie that glorifies a slow-motion CGI decapitation just isn't aesthetically pleasing, nor is it creative nuance. It's just guys killing other guys while the audience drools on in approval. That's not creativity; that's barbarity.

Fracture This film had great potential, but blew it on a predictable plot and poor story-telling. Anthony Hopkins attempts to channel his infamous Hannibal Lector creepiness, but comes across as sarcastic and cocky instead of intelligent and plotting. When you correctly guess the ending to the film less than 30 minutes into it, it's hard to stay focused.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer The first Fantastic Four film was atrocious. With cheesy acting, a boring plot, and little-to-no action, it was one of the worst comic book movies I've ever witnessed. That being said, the sequel is only slightly better than its predecessor. The acting was still cheesy; the plot was still boring; and there was still very little action...only slightly less so than the first.

We Own the Night I saw this film with a few guys while at the Youth Specialties conference in San Diego. I am sorry to admit that I suggested we watch it. With Mark Wahlberg (Oscar-nominee), Joaquin Phoenix (Oscar-nominee), and Robert Duvall (Oscar-winner and film legend), I figured, "how can they go wrong?" But it was dry, predictable, and mostly over-the-top acting with a poorly laid-out story. If you want a similar-yet-infinitely-better film, rent The Departed.

Evening When I later asked my wife about this movie--we saw this on a date night--she couldn't remember the plot. That's how forgettable this film was. With a seemingly stellar ensemble cast--Meryl Streep, Claire Danes, Vanessa Redgrave, Glenn Close, Toni Collette--and a studio like Focus Features--distributor of movies like Atonement and Eastern Promises--it looked like it could have been a masterpiece. But it wasn't. The story is told in flashback sequences, but the editing and directing made it feel extremely choppy. This film was just another crime of missed potential.

And these are the 10 worst films I haven't seen, but I know would make me want to stab my eyes out with forks.

Norbit This is why Eddie Murphy didn't deserve the Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 2006--he also makes garbage like this.

Daddy Day Camp Similar to Mr. Murphy above, Cuba Gooding Jr. is a talented actor who also continues to make horrible films like Daddy Day Camp. At the time of this post, it is #9 on IMDB.com's Bottom 100 Rated Movies.

Underdog I kinda liked Underdog the cartoon. It was corny, yet enjoyable. This looked just plain corny. The studio managed to ruin a wonderful children's show.

Alvin and the Chipmunks Similar to Underdog, a film studio has made a children's cartoon into an uber-lame movie with CGI characters and Jason Lee.

Bratz This film is based on those creepy looking big-eyed dolls that likely create just as many body image issues for young women as Barbie. It seems like the movie was made in order to get adolescent girls to empty their wallets (as well as their parents).

Saw IV This is a classic example of film producers attempting to capitalize on one film's success by creating dozens of really bad sequels. While I could appreciate the first Saw film as a creative horror film, the films seem to be sinking further and further into cookie-cutter movie oblivion.

Good Luck Chuck Dane Cook can be kinda funny at times. But usually he's just moronic and crude. For a crude moron, this film fits him perfectly.

Delta Farce This film was probably humorous for people who also enjoy tractor-pulling and watching professional wrestling on TV. This movie was for them. It was not for me.

Who's Your Caddy? This is currently #2 on the IMDB Bottom 100 Rated Movies. That's pretty awful for a film that's been out less than a year. Enough people hate this movie to make it one of the worst of the year. I have heard absolutely nothing positive about this film, except that it could be used for cruel and unusual punishment.

What films disappointed or disgusted you this year?

And be sure to check out Cameron's list of worst 2007 movies!

4 comments:

  1. I can understand your dislike for 300, but I think your reasons for disliking it are not the reasons that I like it. I agree that a lot of the violence was unnecessary in the way it was filmed. Despite the style, the violence is in there. The movie plays it out just as the graphic novel depicts it, but it is the filmed part that I can see as being a little over the top.

    I don't like it because it's a "guy movie" or anything like that, but because of how well they matched Frank Miller's vision, and for the the artistic nature of a lot of the scenes. I think your list is very good. I have not seen as many bad movie because I can just tell that I'm not going to like them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cam-
    I can appreciate your reasons for liking 300, as the cinematography was well done. For me, the "how" of the cinematography was negatively downplayed because of the "what" that was being filmed, i.e. violent scenes. This is why lists are fun; it's cool to see the differences and discuss why we love the movies we love.

    As for the bad movies I've seen, they were ones that I felt had potential, but ultimately fell far short of my expectations. It was one of those things where I wanted my $10 back. Looking forward to seeing what you're anticipating for next year!

    ReplyDelete
  3. license to wed was a pretty bad movie. especially with as many people from the office as it has. maybe its because i want to punch robin williams.

    ReplyDelete
  4. By the way, in case no one noticed, there's really only 9 movies in the top 10 worst I've never seen in 2007. It was one of those "I'm getting angry about the uber-lame movies that are being made" moments, so I had to just let go and leave it at 9.

    ReplyDelete