Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Top 5 Worst Movies of 2009

More top lists! For every good film that came out this year, there were around 10 stinkers. This is a truth that transcends top movie lists.

The 1:10 awesome-to-stinker ratio also applies to the following: ripe cantaloupes, folk singer albums, jeans tried on in dressing room, and episodes of Lost that make sense. (Feel free to come up with more in the comments!)

Anyway, I didn't see all of the following films. I didn't have to.

5. G.I. Joe: I watched this at home and wondered if I had accidentally rented a video game. Nope, it's just a bunch of plastic characters shooting at each other. A lack of coherent story, enjoyable dialogue, and acting.

4. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li: (Read my review here) The word that came to mind after walking out of the theater was "atrocious." The casting, the editing, the story, even the action scenes were terrible. Chris Klein gives one of the worst performances in film history as an over-the-top detective character. This should be screened in acting classes to deter future actors from becoming anything like Mr. Klein.

3. Miss March: Written by, directed by, and starring two guys from The Whitest Kids U Know, the plot centers around a guy waking up from a coma to find out that his abstinent girlfriend is now a Playboy centerfold. He and his sex-crazed best friend go on a road trip to the Playboy mansion. Straight out of the minds of perverted frat boys. (I did not watch this, and hopefully never will)

2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Read my review here) Incoherent, racist, misogynistic, unfunny, materialistic, violent, and downright insulting to one's intellect and morality. A testament to everything wrong in Western culture, I still get angry thinking about the film. Plot: Giant alien robots blow up stuff real good. Yet there's one film even worse than Michael Bay's horrendous career...

1. Gooby: Words fail me. I'll let the trailer below speak for itself.

It's a horror film disguised as a children's movie. Creepy.

Dishonorable Mentions: The Ugly Truth, Old Dogs, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquell

1 comment:

  1. Everybody needs a friend, Joel. And that's what Gooby can teach you if you just give him a chance.
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    j/k. Gosh, that movie looked awful. Never heard of it before. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

    I think you'll like my #1 as well. Will have it up in a little bit.

    ReplyDelete