Saturday, October 9, 2010

Proactive Waiting

When my wife called me with a deep concern for our son's health, something didn't feel right. Call it parental intuition, but I felt like there was something weightier than initially expected. Our son had been having balancing issues in recent days--collapsing to the floor stumbling about, even choosing to crawl instead of walk. It wasn't typical behavior, so we took him to the doctor, who solemnly referred us to a pediatric neurologist and recommended an MRI.

This led to a 48-hour emotional roller coaster, with neurologist visits, having our son go under anesthesia, the 90 minute MRI process, a possible lumbar puncture, all with the lingering question of "does my 15-month-old son have a brain tumor?" It could have been next-to-nothing, a post-viral infection that was affecting the part of the brain that controls balance. Or it could have been cancer.

In the midst of all this, one starts asking theological questions. Is God really good? Is God in control? Can God heal my son? Does prayer really help? And even if I can intellectually answer all of these questions in the affirmative, do I actually believe, deep down in my soul and my guts, that they are true?

A friend made a comment on his blog post about social media about being proactive by waiting for movements to happen. I think Katie and I learned what proactive waiting truly was as we paced the hospital hallways, praying our hearts out to God for our son. All we could do is wait, hoping that God proves Himself faithful once again regardless of the outcome.

When a nurse casually came into our waiting room and told us that they had started the lumbar puncture, it took a moment for it to sink in--we were told they would only do the LP if they didn't see anything significant on the MRI, meaning that their initial reaction was that our kiddo was tumor-free. There was a silent rejoicing, a moment of catharsis as we thanked God in the hospital room.

We still are waiting for final detailed results, but it seems like our 48-hours of waiting might be over. Yet proactive waiting should never be a one-time event that occurs only in our darkest hours. Perhaps proactive waiting on the Lord should be a rhythm in life, a paradigm that affects every moment, a tendency to trust in the guidance of His Spirit over our own sense of control. Praise God that our son is safe. More than that, praise God that He is faithful and present in every aspect of our lives, that He is "God with us" and a Person worth waiting upon.

6 comments:

  1. Poor lil' guy! I'm glad to hear that it doesn't seem to be something too serious. Continued prayers for Copeland and you and Katie.

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  2. Praying with you through this one. You definitely took that little phrase to a whole new meaning.

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  3. good words. good thoughts to a good God. great trust. excellent faith.

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  4. Hang in there bud, I'll be praying for you all. Trust in Him to the roots of your soul :)

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